"Sungguhpun rindu berbekas di hati, ku tetap pasti akan ketentuanNya.." Inni ghareeb... lost, meaningless. Disoriented as I walk down this path. It feels so different, so strange.. yet I know that the path hasn't changed. It's me.
I used to read you like a book, Didn't try to understand coz I thought I knew.. Always tried to get to know you better, Heh... not understanding, how could I? But even so, you were my Light, my life.. In every picture painted, every word spoken, every deed acted, I saw you.
Until that day came, the day when someone who needed you came, needed you more than I, I let you go...
I remembered it was pouring that day. I was far from home trying to get back.. My chest felt heavy and I was anxious, usually you were there to comfort me.
It took a while since then, and it took longer to realize. It isn't the distance between that separates, but the feelings I hold inside. And I knew then, no matter where I go, you'll always be here, in my heart.
Understanding... reasoning. It all came easily.. You made me a better person, guiding and illuminating, shaping my identity. I can't help but feel jealous, when I see how closer my friends are to you. Or when they tell me things I didn't know about you.. I care a lot about what they say or do, because it's you.. it's you.
Used to have conversations, then reduced to mere confessions, moments of silence led to contemplation, as I realized that I was just so senseless.
I know sometimes you wonder, why do I feel so far and distant.. It seems as if I just don't try. The only thing keeping me from you, is the feeling of unworthiness...
The more I know, the more I understand.. the more I am afraid.. Yet, I still choose this path to walk on. For it leads directly to you.
